After my previous post which is like soooo long ago.
Everything had changed.
The pictures showed were only the past and it's not going to be back anymore.
No matter How long I've begged for, how long I've long for, no matter how deep my feeling is for you, you're not coming back unless miracles or my prayers come true.
I've not blogged since then because I've not need to face the blog and say I want to say because there's a person there always listening to what I want to talk, that's why I dont have to blog about anything.
But I'm back to those days when I have no one to talk to, no one to spit out the truth and real feelings of myself. that's why I am back again.
BLOG OH BLOG, you've been abandoned for so long and now your owner is also being abandoned.
With the feelings in my heart, with the things I see through my naked eyes.
I admit it's really unbearable, that's why I would hurt myself to reduce the pain.
But who will ever understand or feel the pain in me?
Being emo is not my type, but you'd changed me since the day your heart leave bit by bit.
No doubt saying I cant feel you now.
That's why I am feeling alone and insecure.
When days go by, I dont know when will be your last words to me.
I dont know when will be your last bit of love for me.
I have so many things to talk to you, but I know you will not have the heart to listen. Instead of acting annoying, I would tell myself, I rather keep quiet.
Looking at your name on my phone, and I want to keep myself quiet, it's really a torture.
Do you know?
I feel so pain now forcing myself to act normal in front of you.
I feel so pain, so pain.
;/
Waiting,
Day1

To be continued.
Few hours past, it's 3.32pm now.
I realize no one would actually notice me.
Maybe there is still people who notices but they are not the one i want.
How small am I now.
Like a dog?
Like a cat?
Like an ant?
Or even dust?
Which will never be seen.
Time leaving me alone making me have many assumptions.
Are you putting me aside for another person?
If you were the J I loved & knew, you would not be abandoning me for so long.
Not even a word of reply.
Sometimes I ask myself, what am I now.
I wanted to find you, even from Kampar till Ipoh, I would drive.
No matter how tired I am.
Just to wish to see you, but are you also wishing to see me so badly?
No one knows, only you.
But I cant feel it.
How small am I.

No one talk to me, that's why I have to spit it out here.
Sorry bloggy for taking you like a dustbin
Because I feel that what I say is a 'rubbish' to him.

To be continued.
6.48pm... I am still hesitating whether to go.
Sometimes I would think what if I am the actress in movies,
Will I also deserve a happy ending?
I dont know how long can I hang on with such myself.
Because I have no idea when exactly he is returning.
My heart feels like want to see him so eagerly, but so what.
I only feel that my presence is an irritation to him.
I dont know whether how eager he wants to see me, or maybe...
When he sees me, he will be afraid that I will say certain things
But sometimes I just cannot control myself.
He wants freedom, shall I let him go?
Sometimes people say being in a relationship only will slightly being apart with the society
But why when I am single now, I am still avoiding the society.
Only rather stay at home alone see notes and comp. What life exactly I am having now.
Can anyone teach me what should I do?

DAY 1

- signing off -
In my own world,
9:36 AM