It's another Thursday today.
Supposed to be a very busy day for me which I'll not be able to sit here blogging.
However, due to sleeping late last night, I was really exhausted.
I have no mood for any classes and is unable to focus too.
So I've chosen to skip the French class.
Its been few days since my last post.
Here I am again.
I've tried very very hard, being normal, acting normal especially in front of you.
In times, I still wish for your care, love, pamper and etc.
I wish so much to tell you that 'I am jealous'. 'kong long, wo xiang nian ni'...
I wish to ask you what am I to you now?
or At least what is my status now?
But I told myself, NO.
I shouldn't say that out because I may ruin our few days conversation.
Because being emo will ruin our few days normal conversation.
But sometimes I think, what if I've said?
What will I get from you?
Telling me you love me?
Telling me you miss me?
or telling me you're coming back to me?
When I ask myself, wondering how are you doing with your gf?
Nowadays seems like you talk to me texting me, but what about her?
Are you treating her better than treating me or other way round?
Is she more important to you or I am more important?
But even if I've asked, what answers will I get?
If you tell me positive answers, but we cant do anything too.
or Should I say leave her, come back to me.
or I am also afraid what if the answers are not what I wanna listen?
What should I do and think?
Actually i know what I have now is what I deserve.
You said you are a jerk, but I shall say I am a bitch.
Disturbing and causing the blocks in between people's relationship.
Do you think I really feel that good being in this character?
When I dont even know what you think about me.
I often ask myself many questions, but I just couldn't give myself an answer.
Or should I say I dont dare to give.
Being normal aint easy, especially when I am being normal when it's abnormal in me.
It's even harder.
But have you thought of me for even 1 min?
Wishing to tell me that you still love even 1 min?
I just dont know how long do I need to wait.
Or should I take it as I give up and get another person just to heal my wound?
But I dont know whether can I do it, because I'm afraid.
I wanted to try but I've failed once and I've hurt that person.
I am also hurting myself in it.
I dont have the bravery to try anymore.
I just dont know how long should I wait & what is the purpose.
I really dont know.
I HATE PEOPLE ASKING ME TO GIVE UP.
So, FUCK OFF if you're going to tell me to give up.

- Signing Off -
In my own world,
3:06 PM